


You're Still Learning

by starryeyedcas



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Ghost Craig, Ghost Whisperer Tweek, Incorrect diagnoses of mental illness, Minor Character Death(s), Multi, Past Abuse, References to Depression, Self Depreciating Language, Slightly Alternate Universe, Slow Burn, Thomas Tuckers A+ Parenting, sad boy Craig, this is going to be fucking sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28846260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryeyedcas/pseuds/starryeyedcas
Summary: "Once you die, there is no way to reverse it. The dead stay dead and the living stay living until Death pays them a visit. Death can be a hard subject for many and it can be awkward to talk about. Once you lose someone, they are gone for good. Some believe in an afterlife, some believe in Heaven, and some believe that when you die you’re just dead and that’s the end. Although some theories may seem more appealing than others, the only ones who know what actually happens to us after we die are the dead.Well, the dead and Tweek."In which a missing persons case suddenly becomes the center of Tweek's life as he tries to transition into adulthood.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Clyde Donovan/Craig Tucker (one sided), Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick & Tweek Tweak
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	You're Still Learning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> This is the first time I'm posting one of my works, if you feel as if I need to tag something please let me know and I'll be happy to fix it. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy what I have written. <3

“ _ I think Hell is  _

_ something you carry _

_ around with you. _

_ Not somewhere you go.” _

_ \--  _ Neil Gaiman

Once you die, there is no way to reverse it. The dead stay dead and the living stay living until Death pays them a visit. Death can be a hard subject for many and it can be awkward to talk about. Once you lose someone, they are gone for good. Some believe in an afterlife, some believe in Heaven, and some believe that when you die you’re just dead and that’s the end. Although some theories may seem more appealing than others, the only ones who know what actually happens to us after we die are the dead.

Well, the dead and Tweek. 

“I think I can finally see it, it’s beautiful.” 

The shimmering appearition faded into nothing as Tweek watched. The moment would have felt a little bittersweet if this had been the first time he had helped a lost spirit find their way into whatever waited for them on the other side. But, unfortunately for Tweek this was just one of  _ many  _ that asked for his assistance. The only thing that Tweek felt now was relief. Usually after one left, it was a few weeks before another appeared. 

This one hadn’t been around for too long, much to Tweek’s relief. It was an older man who just wanted to see the park where he and his wife had fallen in love. His only wish was to say goodbye to memories long forgotten by anyone else. Thankfully, that park was only a few blocks away from Tweek’s house and a place he had been to many times. The problem was getting the damn ghost to follow him. He had been another one of those “afraid to cross over” types, and Tweek was no comfort to him when asked what was on the other side. 

_ “Shit man, I don’t know,” _ Tweek had said. In hindsight, he probably just should have lied about it, but Tweek was never really good at making stuff up on the spot like that. 

“It’s finally over with,” he mumbled as he exhaled, a tension in his shoulders releasing itself. He looks up at the overcast sky, breathing in the smell of rain before it comes. The sun had just sunk under the horizon line, only a hint of light still shining on the grey skies. Most people in South Park were home by this point, eating dinner and getting ready for bed. Almost as if on cue, his phone vibrates in his pocket. 

Mom **:** _ Tweek, you know how your father and I feel about you staying out this late.  _

_ Yeah, as if you actually care.  _ Tweek rolls his eyes and starts on his journey home. The empty park echoing his footsteps as he walks. It was that time of year where the weather was finally getting up to suitable temperatures. But if there wasn’t snow in South Park, Colorado, you could guarantee that there would be rain, and lots of it. Tweek didn’t mind the rain so much, he always found the smell and the sound of it comforting. 

Up ahead there is a bench that Tweek passes by on his way home nearly everyday. He’s never once seen anyone sitting on it, it gets used so infrequently that there’s practically a pile of dust coating it. But now, as Tweek walks towards it, he sees someone sitting there. The fact that he sees  _ anyone  _ out at this time of day is weird enough, let alone sitting on the  _ forbidden bench  _ (which was a name he came up with all on his own). 

As he gets closer, he’s able to make out the person sitting there. Blue jacket with a matching chullo hat, black hair. He’s leaned back, head looking up at the sky, eyes completely closed. Tweek furrows his brows.  _ Oh God, is he dead? Please don’t be dead, oh Jesus, I can’t deal with this right now.  _ He stops in front of the person, staring at them with an intensity of someone who’s expecting a murderer to pop out of a bush. 

It’s then he realizes he recognizes this boy, he went to school with him.  _ What’s his name again?  _ He can’t think of it. But he knows he’s had a few classes with him.  _ What was he doing out here in the middle of the night?  _ Tweek reaches out his hand to touch the boy, but just as he does so, the phone in his pocket begins to rapidly vibrate with an urgency that shocks Tweek out of his trance. 

“Ack!” he yells as he grabs the phone out of his pocket. This makes the boy in front of him jerk up, eyes flying open and a shocked look on his face. Tweek, not sure if he’s more frightened by the sudden phone call or the  _ alive and very much  _ not  _ dead  _ boy in front of him, turns and runs in the direction of his house, yelling profanities. Heart pounding in his chest as he clutches his phone tightly, looking at the caller ID. 

Once he’s a comfortable distance away from the other person, he growls and answers his phone. 

“Mom,  _ what!?”  _ His mother makes a discontented noise. 

“Where are you _ , hon _ ? You know that your graduation is tomorrow, right? You have to be up early for rehearsal.” She sounds bored, almost as if this is more of a  _ formality  _ rather than actual concern. 

“ _ Argh!  _ Mom! I know, okay?  _ I know!  _ I’m ngh- I’m on my way right now!” He practically yells at her, yet her tone stays the same.

“You should feel blessed to have parents that actually care about your wellbeing, Tweek. Some kids would wish to be so lucky.” 

_ It’s not so much my wellbeing as it is the appearance of a successful son, is it?  _

“Whatever, I’ll see you soon.” He hangs up before she’s able to say anything else. He can see his house off in the distance, the lights on in every window except for his room. If there was  _ one  _ thing his parents gave him, it was privacy. He sighed as he kept moving, thinking about the interaction he had with the boy when his phone rang. 

He cringed at the thought of their eyes meeting before he ran away screaming.  _ Why am I so pathetic? He probably thinks I’m a freak.  _ Then Tweek laughed to himself.  _ Why does it matter? Everyone in this fucking town thinks you’re a freak.  _ It’s the only thought running through his head as he crosses through the threshold of his house. 

* * *

The rehearsal that morning went by smoothly for the teachers. Every student who was expected to be there had shown up and they ran through the routine of forming lines and accepting their degrees. Tweek sat between two people he had never had conversations with before and in the row directly behind him was Butters. 

Butters was always really friendly to Tweek, never treated him like the spaz everyone thought he was. If Tweek wasn’t so paranoid of everyone and everything, he might even say that he  _ liked  _ Butters. He was never really able to develop any sort of relationship with the boy though, on account that he would hang around those  _ douchebags  _ Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. Cartman being the worst of all of them. Whenever Butters was alone though, Tweek would find himself having a semi-pleasant conversation with him. 

“Hey buddy,” Butters said to Tweek shortly after rehearsal was over. Everyone had started to vacate the amphitheater that the rehearsals were held in and Tweek was on his way out with them, but Butters was standing by the restrooms waiting to talk to him. “Are you excited to graduate?” 

“ _ Ack!  _ I guess, are you?” 

“Well sure I am! I’ve already got my college picked out and everything.” He pulled a phone out of his back pocket, turning the screen on and showing Tweek a picture of a big fancy looking building made of brick. “I’m going to the University of Denver. Not too far away from home, but far enough to where my parents can’t ground me for, uhm, misbehaving.” Tweek almost snorted. 

“Your parents still g-ground you, dude?” Butters frowns. 

“Yeah, they’re still trying to teach me a lesson. Gosh, I get grounded so often, I don’t even know what the lesson is anymore.” Butters seems defeated by this admittance and Tweek has no idea what to do with that information or how to respond to it. He opens his mouth to excuse himself but Butters beats him to it. “What about you? Do you have any plans after all of this is over?” 

The question catches Tweek off guard. “ _ Gah!  _ Plans?” 

“Yeah! Like do you have a college lined up? Or maybe a job?” 

Tweek takes a moment and thinks. Then he’s horrified by the realization that he, in fact, does  _ not  _ have any plans for after high school. He had never thought of what he wanted. Never had any dreams. His therapist had told him to use creative outlets in order to better manage his anxiety and “erratic behaviour”. But did that mean he was passionate about arts? He thinks about his parents coffee shop, and how his dad probably wants him to end up running it one day.  _ The family business. _

_ “Agh God!  _ No! I don’t have any plans! Oh  _ Jesus  _ what am I going to do?” He thinks back to all the teachers telling him to apply for college and scholarships. Thinking about all the times he let it go over his head and not think about it because he was too busy dealing with  _ dead people drama.  _ “Oh man, this is too much pressure!” 

Suddenly there is a soft pat on his back. Then another, and another. He looks over to see Butters smiling at him, a calming look that almost grounds Tweek. Almost. 

“There, there,” Butters says. “You’ll figure it out. Heck, why don’t you apply to the University I’m going to? They let me in, I’m sure you’ll be a shoe in. I’ll even help you out, if you want.” 

Tweek lets the offer sink in. “Uh, okay.” He answers. He is still twitching uncontrollably at the impromptu panic attack, his entire body still shaking. “S-sure, that would be really nice of you, Butters.” The other blond smiles, it’s gentle and genuine. Tweek smiles back, it’s less enthusiastic but it’s still a smile. 

“Butters!” The voice of Butters’ dad booms through the crowd of students still leaving the auditorium and Butters looks to him, a small amount of worry crossing over his otherwise pleasant expression. 

“Aw, hamburgers. I gotta go, I’ll text you later, okay?” And with that Butters was gone. Tweek followed in his path, keeping his head low as he made his way out to the parking lot where his mom was most likely waiting for him. 

_ After all this time of helping spirits cross over, I never thought about my future or who I want to be. Is my life really just about helping ghosts?  _ Tweek reflects on his life growing up. How even when he was a kid, he was able to see dead people and interact with them. He noticed immediately that no one else could. His parents had called the spirits his “imaginary friends” which didn’t go over well with the ghosts he was helping at the time. 

He remembered being sent to therapy over it. The therapist asked him if he “thought” he heard voices. Or if he “thought” he saw people. They were calling what he was seeing a hallucination caused by his brain, and after a while he started to believe it. He started to accept that he was crazy and that none of these apparitions were actually  _ real.  _

But after months and months of tests and medications that were inconclusive and didn’t work, Tweek knew that he had been right all along and that he wasn’t crazy. The medication had only made him sleepy and the ghosts never disappeared. But because no one else believed him, he was seen as a  _ nut.  _ He was seen as the crazy kid who talks to himself and has no friends. 

_ It would be nice to make a future for myself that isn’t predetermined by the people around me.  _ Tweek thinks about Butters’ promise to assist him in getting into college and a feeling that Tweek doesn’t recognize inches it’s way into his chest.  _ That’s it,  _ he thinks,  _ I’ll research the degrees, figure out which one I like best, and start working towards something.  _ He’s smiling as he reaches his mom’s car.  _ I’m finally going to be in control of my life for once.  _

* * *

The graduation was entirely mediocre and exactly what Tweek was expecting. Just sitting in a field on metal folding chairs with a bunch of classmates waiting for your name to be called. The only good thing to come out of it was a piece of paper saying,  _ Congratulations! You learned something!  _ If Tweek’s parents hadn’t been so superficial, he would have opted to skip the ceremony of graduation altogether. 

When his name was called, seemingly after  _ hours  _ of waiting, he made his way to the stage and tried to not to focus on how quiet the cheers had gotten for the person in front of him.  _ They’re all staring at me.  _ He thought,  _ they’re waiting for me to do something weird. Well not today, today is the day that Tweek Tweak  _ stops  _ being seen as the spaz.  _

Everything is going well until he reaches the ramp that leads onto the stage. Just as he’s stepping his foot out, there’s a hard tap on his back, a force that he feels electrify his shoulder blade.  _ I know that feeling.  _ But the impact is too sudden and too forceful for Tweek to catch himself, so he falls onto his hands, face inches from the ground.  _ God fucking-  _

He feels someone grab his shoulder, a gentle pull to help him up, but he shrugs them off. He gets off the ground with no hassle, the members of the school board all looking at him with concern. He ignores them and whips around to find who- or  _ what-  _ pushed him. But he sees no one. He looks around the stage, the ramp, into the crowd of classmates and family members. 

There’s no one  _ out of the ordinary.  _ The looks of shock, horror, and amusement that everyone is giving Tweek are far too familiar. He feels his face heat up and clenches his fists at his side. He turns to the man who tried to help him up. 

“Did you push me?” Tweek asks, the man looks a little hurt at Tweek’s accusation and begins to say something. Tweek interrupts, “Did  _ someone  _ push me?” The man just shakes his head. Tweek huffs and continues his way onto the stage.  _ So much for not looking like a freak.  _

The rest of the ceremony goes on, Tweek sits back on the uncomfortable metal chair, clenching his diploma tightly in his hand. The students next to him giving him strange looks out of the corner of their eyes. He keeps his attention glued to the grass beneath his shoes until the ceremony is over. 

After everyone throws their hats in the air and the now high school graduates are able to roam the field freely, someone throws their arm around Tweek’s neck, ruffling his hair with their free hand. 

“Tweekers!” A familiar, boisterous voice bellows into his ear. “We’re _adults_ now! Can you believe it?” Tweek ducks out of his “attacker’s” hold. 

“I’m an adult now, Kenny,” he says, looking up at the taller blond with a fond sort of irritation. “You? I-I think you still need time to mature.” Kenny’s large smile only falters a little. He suddenly covers his chest with both of his hands, leaning back enough to make it seem like he’s going to fall. 

“Oh Tweek, you know exactly how to hurt me. How _ do _ you do it?” Tweek only glares at him and the all original Kenny smile returns. “Congrats on the big fall, by the way. I thought the ceremony was getting a little boring at the end there, but there you went, saving the show!” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Tweek snaps, Kenny shrugs. 

“You’d be the only one.” The shorter boy sighs. 

“Is everyone really talking about it? God, don’t people in this town have anything  _ other than me  _ to talk about?  _ Jesus!”  _ Kenny claps a hand on Tweek’s shoulder and squeezes, a gesture meaning to comfort Tweek. He only wished it worked. 

“‘Fraid not, bud. You are the center of the universe after all.” The tiredness in Kenny’s voice makes the shorter blond tilt his head. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well…” Kenny hesitates, as if thinking about what to say. There’s a sadness in his expression that Tweek has never seen before. “...do you remember Craig Tucker?” 

_ Craig Tucker.  _ Suddenly Tweek’s mind flashes to the boy sitting on the bench from the night before.  _ That’s who that was!  _ Suddenly feeling a pit at the bottom of his stomach, Tweek tries to keep his expression neutral. 

“D-did something happen?” Kenny sighs, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Well he went missing a few nights ago and people are starting to speculate that he’s… There are rumors going around that Craig is gone. Like… passed away-gone.” Kenny was never really the best at revealing bad news. He mostly liked to gloss over anything that would make a conversation too heavy in favor for keeping it light and fun. In a way, it made Tweek admire Kenny, but it also irritated the shit out of him. Kenny was like the polar opposite of Tweek in that he was so carefree and  _ cool.  _ Most days, Tweek envied him. 

It took a moment for Tweek to realize what Kenny had just told him.  _ He went missing a few nights ago? But…  _

“I feel like I just saw Craig,” he finds himself saying out loud. “Just last night.” Kenny stares at him, wideyed. 

“Did you?” The taller blond is suddenly in Tweek’s face, and the smaller boy can feel his chest start to constrict uncomfortably. “Where? If you saw him Tweek, you should really tell his parents, or the police. They’ve been looking everywhere for him.” 

“ _ Oh God, that’s so much pressure.”  _ Tweek can feel the heaviness in his chest expand as his ability to  _ breathe _ shrinks. He clenches his fists and squeezes his eyes shut.  _ Breathe, just breathe.  _ “I-I - _ gah!-  _ It could have been anybody, I don-  _ nngghhh-  _ It was late last night.” 

Suddenly, Kenny’s shoulders relax and there is a soft smile painted on his face. It’s trying to hide the urgency in his eyes, but it doesn’t reach them. Kenny is an open book for Tweek to read and Tweek wishes that he couldn’t. The panic under his skin only gets more erratic.  _ But that was Craig, wasn’t it?  _

“Hey, it’s alright Tweekers. I’m sorry I freaked you out,” he gives a noncommittal shrug. “We’re just all worried about him, y’know?” Tweek gives a short, quick nod. “I know you didn’t know him very well, but if you  _ see  _ or  _ hear  _ anything involving Craig, you should talk to his sister, Tricia. She volunteers at the library.” Kenny lets out a long breath and shoves his hands in the pockets of his orange hoodie. 

“But like I was saying,” Kenny smiles a real smile, “you really saved the ceremony with that little stunt you performed. I think everyone needed a little laugh.”

Tweek grunts, “ _ Urgh!  _ H-happy to oblige.” With that, Kenny laughs and starts walking away. 

“Congratulations Tweek! We should hang out soon, I’ll message you!” 

“Congrats to you too,” Tweek mumbles as he watches Kenny disappear into the crowd of graduates who are frantically trying to find their friends and family. And just like that, Kenny vanished as mysteriously as he had appeared. Tweek unclenches his fists and lets out a long, much needed, breath. 

The short blonde wanders around until he finds his parents, who are both still in the bleachers not having moved since the ceremony ended. He makes his way up to them, his mother on her phone and his dad sitting with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“That was quite the show, son,” he says as Tweek gets closer. Tweek has to hold himself back from groaning. “Of all the kids to choke, I should’ve known it would have been my son.” 

“Oh fuck off, Dad,” Tweek says, “ _ Grr,  _ I didn’t choke. I swear - _ nngh!-  _ I felt someone push me!” 

“Yes, and the thousands of people here tonight, they just didn’t see it. I’m sure that’s what really happened.” 

“ _ Agh!  _ You never believe me! Why should-” 

“Come on now, boys,” Tweek’s mother says as she throws her phone back in her purse, “no fighting. We should be celebrating! Our only son just passed a huge milestone in his life.” She begins to stand, placing a tender hand on Tweek’s cheek. He twitches at her touch, resisting the urge to smack her away. 

Richard Tweak follows her lead, standing up straight and smacking his son on the back. “I suppose your mother’s right. Congratulations, son. Let's celebrate with a nice cup of hot coffee. But not just any coffee, Tweak’s very own house blend. The kind of coffee that-” 

The small blonde tunes his father out as they all descend the bleachers together. Tweek is overly aware of his surroundings, jumping back at anyone who even comes near him. The field below them, looking like a mass of ants all running and walking in different directions. He tries not to think about how quickly a disease would spread if anyone was infected and didn’t know about it. He tries not to think about a massive sinkhole just opening up and swallowing everyone instantly. 

He curls his fists into his hair.  _ At least I’m not seeing fucking dead people right now.  _ As they reach the bottom of the bleachers, someone steps out in front of Tweek, causing him to jump, hitting his ankles on a step and falling onto his back. The stabbing pain of multiple steps protruding into his spine makes him cry out in pain. He can hear his father cursing under his breath and his mother telling him to be more careful. 

His dad yanks him up by the arm, grumbling under his breath, and it’s then that Tweek sees who made him fall over. The familiar boy with the blue jacket and matching chullo hat with raven black hair peeking through. Green eyes are staring into his own blue ones, a very flat and bored look on the taller boy's face.  _ It’s him,  _ Tweek thinks,  _ it’s Craig.  _

Tweek looks to his parents and sees them both glaring at him and not noticing the existence of the tall boy directly in front of him.  _ Can they really not see him?  _ The blonde looks back to Craig, and sees people walking past him. No, not just past him, but  _ through  _ him. As the sudden dawn of realization hits Tweek, his eyes widen and his mouth goes dry. 

“Fuck.” 

**Author's Note:**

> *gasp* and that's the end of the first chapter :O
> 
> If you enjoyed it please let me know, or if you have any feedback I'll be glad to hear it. 
> 
> See you again soon! <3


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